>Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed:
>"The Gate of Heaven".
>Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."
>
>---
>
>Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma,
>AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard
>was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
>
>---
>
>A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
>"What Denomination?" Asked the clerk.
>
>"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well give me
>50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."
>
>---
>
>On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer
>arrived at the village church. The pastor said,
>"Well, I guess we won't have a service today."
>
>The farmer replied: "Heck, if even only one cow shows up at feeding
>time, I feed it." So the pastor goes through the whole
>service -- readings, sermon, eucharist, the works.
>
>After the service and the farmer is leaving, he says to the pastor,
>"When I said that I feed the one cow, I didn't say that I
>give it the food for the whole herd!"
>
>---
>
>During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what
>"Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and
>said: "It means - 'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!'"
>
>---
>
>A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His
>answer? "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7."
>
>---
>
>I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to
>me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore,
>where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?"
>the little boy asked.
>
>"He died and went to Heaven," I replied.
>
>My son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
>
>---
>
>Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time
>when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son
>Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"
>
>I said, "God tells me."
>
>Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"
>
>---
>
>After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up,
>I'm going to give you some money."
>
>"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
>
>"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever
>had."
>
>---
>
>My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our
>six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to
>say the blessing?"
>
>"I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear
>Mommy say," my wife said.
>
>Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I
>invite all these people to dinner?"